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Valentine’s Day is approaching and can bring with it some mixed emotions. For a holiday that celebrates love in all of its beautiful forms, it can seem at times to fixate on couples and candy.
Chocolate and sweethearts aside, Valentine’s is a heartwarming time of year when love is the focus. We are truly fortunate to experience the kindness of parents, grandparents, friends, coworkers, and even strangers in our lives.
Love, in its many forms, unites us. Love transforms us. It allows us to release our insecurities, knowing that someone out there accepts us no matter what.
My mindset toward Valentine’s Day used to be quite the opposite. I used to view it as my annual punishment for being single. It wasn’t until I met my lifelong partner that I realized this fundamental truth:
Love isn’t about what you receive, it is all about what you give.
From Lack to Abundance
We each deeply crave love, and for good reason. In a world that expects us to be a certain way all the time, being accepted unconditionally for who we are is a dream come true.
Craving, however, is not an enjoyable feeling. It is rooted in lack. When we crave love, we often treat it as a transaction. We start to think giving love is only worth it if we receive something in return.
True love is unconditional. It is fueled by the desire for someone else’s well-being and happiness, not reciprocity. Love spreads joy and fulfillment instead of squandering it.
The Source of Love
Our ability to love is proof that we are loved. For those who are spiritual, you recognize that love is a gift from the Source of all Life.
This Source tests us frequently but ultimately sustains us. Our circumstances may be dire, but having a car that runs, a friend to lean on, or a job that gets us by are all lifelines from the Giver of Love. Our well-being is important to Someone, somewhere out in the cosmos.
If you are not spiritual, the discovery of love through a parent figure or close friend is equally as formative. Loving moments have accumulated during your lifetime and refined your understanding of it. By learning of love, you also learn of your ability to give it.
Allowing your care for others to flow through you changes the core of your being. You come to know deep-rooted purpose and true selflessness. Over time, you will uncover the unique ways that you alone can express it.
From that point, you have a choice: You can focus on the love that you lack, or your ability to give it.
Close your eyes and bring to mind a moment when you felt deeply cared for, as though nothing you did could change that person’s love for you. Rest in the feeling of blissful acceptance.
Now, wouldn’t you wish for someone else to experience that as well?
Love Flows from Within
Whether you believe in a Divine Source or complete autonomy, one thing remains true:
You play a key role in creating your reality.
Your repeated thoughts, feelings, and actions give way to your circumstances. Where your focus goes is what grows.
This is why it is so easy to become ensnared in a negative spiral of thoughts or emotions. One unloving thought can trigger actions and emotions that lead you down a self-destructive path.
Unless you choose otherwise.
This requires immense self-awareness. You must know the darker parts of yourself to traverse them. Leonard Cohen’s “Anthem” puts it well:
Ring the bells that still can ring
Leonard Cohen
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.
No matter how broken something may be, it can still be cherished and transformed. You must learn to replace thoughts that are unloving to yourself with thoughts that help you thrive. Choose to let the light in.
You deserve a beautiful mental landscape, and only you can build it.
Love is More than Just Romance
Valentine’s Day tends to focus on couples. As beautiful as romance is, most couples wouldn’t survive without the care of family and friends to keep them going.
Every kind of love—parental, familial, platonic, romantic—has its value. We are truly fortunate that we can nurture each other in so many different ways.
Small, thoughtful gestures leave a deep and lasting impact on all types of love, not just romantic. Sending a letter to your grandparents is just as meaningful as sending one to a distant beau (although the content of those letters would differ greatly).
Similarly, many of the rules for healthy friendships carry over into romantic relationships. Celebrating your person’s accomplishments and respecting their boundaries are just a few. “Fall in love with your best friend” is truly excellent advice!
Whether you plan to dote on your sweetheart or your closest friends, the tips in this list will work for both.
30 Ways to Give Love Abundantly to Friends, Family, and Your Partner
- Remember their birthday.
- Make them a handmade gift.
- Treat them to an experience.
- Send a handwritten letter.
- Double a batch of baked goods to share with them.
- Make them a cup of tea or coffee.
- Cook and enjoy a meal together.
- Celebrate their milestones.
- Remind them of their worth on tough days.
- Send an out-of-the-blue “good morning” text.
- Be the one to reach out when it’s been a while.
- Share recipes, books, and music you enjoy.
- Read/listen to their suggestions too.
- Focus on listening instead of talking in conversation.
- Bring them a meal when they’re sick or stressed.
- Allow them to feel their emotions and give them space when needed.
- Trust them to make their own decisions.
- Don’t say “I told you so” even jokingly.
- Share life experiences and lessons.
- Enjoy common interests together.
- Try things you know they enjoy.
- Give them flowers or a houseplant.
- Share your blanket with them.
- Give the gift of rest with 20-minute mindfulness candles.
- Send thank you notes for gifts.
- Offer encouragement without judgment.
- Go for walks together to talk and get some fresh air.
- Go on special dates without an occasion.
- Remind them of their beauty.
- Offer to share their workload when they are stressed.
Final Thoughts
This list is far from complete. Every day, I am learning how to better nurture my partner, friends, family, and myself.
Fortunately, there is a simple rule I hold onto: love others as you want to be loved.
You don’t need to lasso the moon and the stars. Some of the smallest, simplest gestures can mean the most.
I urge you to pay attention to what brings a genuine smile to peoples’ faces. Approach love with a desire to learn and grow. Use your findings to bring joy to as many people as you can.
When you give kindness generously and intentionally, it has its way of returning to you. Through giving love, you ultimately attract it into your life.
Feel free to add to my list in the comments! I would love to hear about your favorite ways to care for others.
Until next time, have a wonderful Valentine’s Day. ♥︎
O&K
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